1. The Weather
It’s that time of the year when the sun becomes a distant memory, you might as well canoe to work and to paraphrase Forrest Gump, you’ve been through every kind of rain there is. It’s enough to make even the most English people who ever Englished pack up a tweed Hawaiian shirt and beg for sweet amnesty at the nearest airport terminal.
Think about it. You could be in Australia on holiday, enjoying their topsy-turvy, distinctly unbritish weather. While you’re standing at the bus stop combating the mighty power of Poseidon, they’re grilling it up on the beaches and asking for another cold one.
All in 40 degree weather, budgie smugglers, and cricket helmets with corks on… I don’t know much about Australia.
But I know for a fact that their weather is basically cheating. A glorious summer holiday in winter is just a 14 hour flight away, and that hurts my soul. My stiff upper lip can only take a few more raindrops before it winks out of existence and I lose my licence to queue and criticise train times.
2. _____________ is Lovely This Time of Year
That’s the wonderful thing about the world’s geography – while we might have been placed firmly in the temperate zone of ‘too mild to be hot, too rainy to have a barbeque’ by the forces of the universe, there’s always someplace, somewhere that isn’t drenched with rain.
A holiday at The Canary Islands is just a flight away – do you think they’re discussing the horrible weather? No, they’re eating ice cream and laughing at us, do you know that? Laughing at us, with all the gusto their sun-kissed bodies can muster, while they apply sun cream because it’s hot and not raining.
I sound bitter, because I am. There’s nothing I despise more than playing ‘puddle gauntlet of death’ with van drivers who are clearly aiming to soak me with gutter water.
3. Last Minute Deals
It’s a rainy Thursday, the most British of weekdays, and with the gloom marshalling outside like the world’s most boring army, you check on holiday deals online. Lo and Behold, someone is offering a Las Vegas presidential suite for a pound, and you can get a flight to Nevada for the lint stuff in your jeans pocket.
This is a fantasy holiday of course, but it seems to be the collective fever dream of the British public- holiday booking last minute has increased in popularity in dear old Blighty by over 56%. It seems we islanders are becoming and becoming more and more spontaneous with our holiday booking, a fact I can only applaud.
Evermore holiday companies are wising up to the trend and offering everything from hotel rooms, flights and even excursions for next to nothing, so there’s no excuse for not finishing reading this sentence and absconding to Belize, you rogue.
4.There’s Definitely Going to Be a Country You’ve Always Wanted To Visit but Didn’t
We’re all guilty of it.
You’ll make it to Mexico…next year, you’ll visit the Grand Canyon… when you’re not so busy, and you’ll finally track, hunt and kill the mighty Yeti… once your combat helicopter arrives. It’s a conundrum for sure, but negotiating the minefield of personal travel aspirations isn’t easy, sometime you just have to get out there and do it.
Just put the phone down and go to Brazil. Be midway through a Bolognese and head to Italy for an actual Bolognese. In fact why are you on the internet? Stop watching cats play the bassoon or whatever you young’ uns do on the Facetubes nowadays, and get exploring.
5. The Weather
OH DEAR LORD IT’S RAINING OCEANS.
ALL OF THE TIME.